..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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