So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
