dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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