see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize