So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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