Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
