we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
