Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
