my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
