so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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