A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
