I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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