i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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