got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize