did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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