You just made me feel so damn special
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
