I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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