I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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