she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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