Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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