My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
