it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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