I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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