grandma shit on top of the toilet
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
