The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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