I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
