And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
