first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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