when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
