I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
