He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
