I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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