Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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