Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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