things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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