dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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