i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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