awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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