haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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