i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
