but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
