Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize