you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
