that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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