Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
