Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
