You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
