So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
