You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
