if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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