come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The adults are the big ones right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
