my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
