It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i've created a new STD.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
