Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
