I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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