tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
