either way he was missing a nipple.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
