I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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