Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
