we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who died my cat blue again?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize