bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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