so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
