Kiss
Puke
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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