I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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