Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
