I just cut my nipple shaving
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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