Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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