New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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