i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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