It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
should my penis look like a turkey
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
