You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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