WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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