mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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