we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
