Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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